The Spooky Truth – I hate Halloween

Okay, so maybe hate is a strong word, but I really do not like it and I don’t know if I ever did.

I think that as a child I enjoyed getting all the candy and really loved when I was lucky enough to get something good like chips or cheesies, but I don’t ever remember being stoked about getting dressed up or actually trick-or-treating. Life is a little different when your parents are divorced and your mother is not particularly festive. I remember going out with my dad once or twice before he left but most of my memories are of getting dressed up quite quickly once my mum got home from work, then getting sent out with one of my friends and their parents. While I think I enjoyed spending time with my friends I am not one who really enjoys being scared. I don’t enjoy horror movies or spooky costumes and I absolutely hated the house down the street next to the park that always turned their garage into a haunted house. I was petrified about having to walk up to the house, afraid that I would scream or chicken out in front of my friends and have to live down the embarrassment the next day at school. I would try to work up the nerve a few houses down, feel out the state of my group to see if any of the other girls were nervous too. I would go up to the house terrified but try to laugh when the zombie jumped out from behind the door or the vampire raised from the coffin, calculating how much longer it would be until I was in cozy pajamas on the living room floor trying to convince my sister that my Rockets for her Mars bar really was a good trade.

The next day at school was almost as bad as Halloween. All the kids are tired from being up late, and jacked on sugar. There was always the one kid in the class (Cindy P. in my case) who came in bragging about how many houses they went to and how many pillow cases full of candy they got. All I could think of was getting back home and waiting for my sister to be distracted enough that I could swap all the peanuts in my Halloween sack for any lingering Kraft Caramels in hers.

When I grew up I began to understand that Halloween was just an excuse for girls to wear slutty outfits without any presumption that there is any theme to their outfit. To quote Cady in Mean Girls, “Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it”. A revealing outfit, a pair of animal ears and pouf you have a costume! The funny thing is that the guys never seem to be dressed up, no effort, no costumes, its clear the only reason they even go out on Halloween is to gawk at the scantily clad women. At least they are honest about it, I guess. I took part in this once or twice, I’m not ashamed to say, but those days are long gone. Now I am in a much more awkward stage of Halloween costumes. The dreaded office costume.

Do you dress up or not? You don’t want to be the only one in the office dressed in costume, like poor Pam of The Office dressed as Charlie Chaplin surrounded by co-workers in suits, but you also don’t want to be a party pooper. If you do dress up, what do you go as? Certainly bustier and bunny ears are no longer appropriate but what about a tribute to Lady Gaga? Personally I do not dress up for the office. Ever. And I’m not afraid to be a party pooper. I have lost respect after seeing co-workers dressed as Winnie the Pooh or as one of my co-workers was telling me, a woman in her mid fifties dressed as a belly dancer, complete with exposed midriff. Not appropriate. Time and place, people. If you want to dress up to take your kids out or go to a party dressed as a French maid, fine, but there is no place for fish nets and feather duster in a sales meeting.

Whether you dress up or not, have fun this weekend, be safe and treat the little ones in your life to the good stuff. No one likes Raisinettes.

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