Seussaphobia Exists

I have a fear.

It’s crippling, its debilitating and although it has yet to be recognized by the DSM I assure you it’s very, very real. Seussaphobia affects 3 of 4 members of my immediate family. There are no prescriptions that can help. People laugh when they find out that you suffer from this intense fear. Support is sparse enough to be non existent.

Whats that? You’ve never heard of Seussaphobia? Well the name can’t be anymore clear. It’s fear of the works of Theodor Seuss Geisel but you might know him better as Dr. Seuss.

It’s true, I swear it. I am terrified by The Cat in The Hat, despise Green Eggs and Ham and my blood runs cold at the mere mention of that wretched Grinch. It’s not just that I dislike these books. They genuinely frighten me. The pictures are weird and creepy, the rhymes make no sense and contain many nonsense words and the stories usually involve people (creatures of sorts) acting badly. I honestly cannot believe people read this to their kids!

I think this is where it all started, actually. My mother suffers from Seussaphobia as well so she never read these books to us as children. I imagine if we were ever given any as gifts they were promptly thrown out as one never graced my bookshelf. I never watched the cartoon of the Grinch (I have yet to see it all the way through) and I was frightened enough that I had to leave the live action movie. I know that some reading cannot believe that I have not seen How The Grinch Stole Christmas and maybe one or two of you are thinking that I just never gave it a chance. Surely at almost 30 I cannot still be frightened? I promise I have tried many times. I don’t want to be afraid of a cartoon character but I cannot get past how terrifying the movie is. The Grinch especially is scary, but the Who’s are weird and that little pet that the Grinch has is bad too (and abused from what little I have seen in the movie). I wanted to provide visuals for the blog but even the thought of the pictures that might come up in Google images was enough to make me shake.

Why am I telling you all this? Why now? Well, with the Holidays approaching that little green monster is everywhere. He has been marketed to gift wrap, tree decorations, stockings are adorned with his image and I know that any day now I could be quietly flipping through the channels on my TV and be shocked by the sight of his slimy green visage. This is when we Seussaphobics suffer the most. We can put One Fish Two Fish out of our minds most of the year, we can even ignore the Lorax on Earth Day but Christmas is a truly difficult time. I beg, if you know anyone who is Seussaphobic or you think they might be, reach out to them this holiday season.

Thank you.


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