Yes, that’s right. May is Zombie Awareness Month. I’m not sure if this is a holy month for the undead, or if we are meant to use this time to honour them, but either way I have compiled this handy guide to help you survive the month of May.
First a list of recent zombie attacks and sightings:
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Mayan Civilization – 10th Century A.D.
Roanoke Colony, North Carolina – 1590
Ecuadorian Amazon – Date Unknown
Ancient Rome – 3rd Century A.D.
Cargo Ship, The Mary Celeste – 1872
Chaco Canyon, New Mexico – 13th Century A.D.
York, England – 1st Century A.D.
Hmmm…doesn’t really seem like a pressing threat but the unknown date of that Ecuadorian Amazon attack makes me a little nervous. Also, who knows how many of these attacks go unreported? Now, even if you don’t live in a high risk zone, you should still be prepared, just in case. Here are some tips for handling yourself when confronted with zombies –
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–Know your enemy – the more you know the better prepared you will be to defend yourself. Helpful resources include The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead and World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War both by Max Brooks an (apparent) leader in the field of zombie research.
–Prepare yourself – ditch those that might slow you down and wear comfortable shoes that allow you to run long distances.
–Zombies have a flair for the dramatic – if you have ever watched a horror movie with some sorority girl hiding from the masked murderer in a closet with no chance of escape take note – you are the sorority girl in this scenario. Do your best to avoid dead ends, enclosed spaces and anywhere with flickering overhead lighting.
– Head to WalMart – big box stores offer many helpful resources like guns, ammunition, food and other basic needs. Always a good place to head to at the first sign of a zombie invasion.
– A kill shot to the brain – while a bullet will do it a screwdriver through the temple is more creative and sends a message that you aren’t messing around.
I hope this guide proves to be a useful resource for those of you facing the inevitable zombie apocalypse. I myself have never seen a zombie but I do imagine that if I came across one it would have a soulless expression, dead eyes, it would speak (grunt?) in a robotic monotone voice and show no concern for even the most vulnerable of society. Wait…on second thought maybe I have seen a zombie…
Lol – love it Ash.
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Ash, I love your blog. It’s awesome.
BTW I hate politics, don’t know a thing about it and don’t give a damn. But I did vote. Thanks for filling me in on what’s going on, at least now I know how to escape a zombie attack! 🙂
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Hey Martie! Thanks for stopping by, I’m so happy you like the blog! I have been following yours as well. Your boys are precious.
Honestly, I still believe attack by hobgoblins is more pressing than zombies and Im leading the charge to have the month of June devoted to the cause. Can I count on your support? 😉
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OMG hobgoblins, starting with the one that lived under your bed. lmao, I totally forgot about that, lol. Yes, you have my full support. Hobgoblins beware (did you know though that there is a very yummy beer called Hobgoblin?)
Your blog inspired me to vote (for only the second time ever ;))
Mine is boring, haha. But I like it. 🙂
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No way! Mommy Blogging is very popular, and its a great way to keep people up to date, especially when your family is so far away. If you have time (do moms of toddlers ever have time??) check out http://www.mattlogelin.com a different twist on “mommy” blogging. Start in March of 2008. You will cry. A lot. But its a touching story.
I believe I had that beer in my advent calendar this year. It made me think of you 🙂 You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that I inspired you to vote! Yay! 😀
Now I am off to check out your latest post…
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I have The Zombie Survival Guide on my Kobo. Also after all your complaints about Zombieland, I implore you to watch it again.
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